


Through the Glass

by aswerene



Series: Batman Universe AU [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: AU, Gen, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 15:38:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10789605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aswerene/pseuds/aswerene
Summary: He has changed so much.Short, spiky hair, when it used to be so long, curling over his ears and neck. Gone is the skinny boy he once was. His shoulders are broad and his chest solid. When he stretches, I see the muscles move under his shirt. He doesn’t fit into the lounge chair anymore, even curled up like he is. Just a few years ago, he could have slept in there easily. Now, he has to move, switch positions, to be at least somewhat comfortable. The library is dark, he only switched on the lamp on the table right beside him. I can hear the paper rustle as he turns the pages.





	Through the Glass

 

***

_I'm looking at you through the glass_

_Don't know how much time has passed_

_Oh, god it feels like forever_

_But no one ever tells you_

_That forever feels like home_

_Sitting all alone inside your head_

 

***

 

He has changed so much.

Short, spiky hair, when it used to be so long, curling over his ears and neck. Gone is the skinny boy he once was. His shoulders are broad and his chest solid. When he stretches, I see the muscles move under his shirt. He doesn’t fit into the lounge chair anymore, even curled up like he is. Just a few years ago, he could have slept in there easily. Now, he has to move, switch positions, to be at least somewhat comfortable. The library is dark, he only switched on the lamp on the table right beside him. I can hear the paper rustle as he turns the pages.

He came back home. Snarling, scratching, biting, but he came home. He made us work for it, but when we passed the threshold of the manor, he calmed. He smiled at Alfred and followed Bruce’s orders wordlessly. He is home. But for how long?

The library is vast, I’m too far to see his face, watch his eyes track the words on the pages. I can’t tell if his hair is black or gray. His skin glows, dark, like ash from a freshly extinguished fire. I can hear myself breathe.

I don’t know why I followed him here. Some days I’m scared I’ll wake and he’ll be gone, vanished without a trace. He promised us nothing and we can’t force him to stay. But I wish I could.

 

***

 

_How do you feel? That is the question_

_But I forget you don't expect an easy answer_

_When something like a soul becomes initialized_

_And folded up like paper dolls and little notes_

_You can't expect a bit of hope_

 

_So while you're outside looking in_

_Describing what you see_

_Remember what you're staring at is me_

 

***

 

Footsteps echo along the corridor behind me. I lean against the door frame and wait for the nightly visitor to come closer. It’s past midnight, but we became creatures of the night years ago and every night feels like a brand new day waiting to be explored. One night every week we stay in, unless we’re summoned. That’s the deal. I’m glad, but tonight feels to silent, too calm. Jason never sleeps these nights. He sits in the library and reads, book after book after book. It stings, but I understand. We don’t trust him to stay, he doesn’t trust us to stay away.

The steps come closer. They are too light to be Bruce’s or Alfred’s.

Tim stops right beside me. He’s wearing pajamas, carries a bottle of water in one hand and a sandwich in the other.

“You’re nosy.”

I chuckle. I am, aren’t I? We all know Jason is up these nights and hides in the library, behind book covers and the smell of dust, but I’m the only one who watches him from afar, too scared to let him out of my sight. I’m nosy, clingy, desperate. Tim stares at me, not judging, but with faint interest. He doesn’t know Jason the way I do, they never lived together, never even met before. And yet, he knows much more than I ever dared to. He read all our files, knows our secrets better than we do ourselves.

I turn my head, back to the library and the extensive windows at the far wall. It’s too cloudy for the moon or stars to shine. Jason hasn’t moved at all. He must be able to hear us, as quiet as this night is.

 

***

 

_'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass_

_Don't know how much time has passed_

_All I know is that it feels like forever_

_And no one ever tells you that forever feels like home_

_Sitting all alone inside your head_

 

_How much is real? So much to question_

_An epidemic of the mannequins_

_Contaminating everything_

_We thought came from the heart_

_It never did right from the start_

_Just listen to the noises_

_(Null and void instead of voices)_

 

***

 

“Don’t, Dick.” Tim lectures me. He keeps his voice low but steady. “You being here makes no difference. Sleep. Or do something else if you can’t.”

I can’t bring myself to look at Tim. I watch Jason as he turns another page, the paper rustles quietly, the chair squeaks slightly as he moves his legs.

“I know.” I do. This Jason is no longer my Jay. He was Robin, he was my brother, he was everything to me, to Bruce, to Alfred. And then. It happened. I don’t know the man sitting across the room. He is a stranger, wearing a familiar face and I’m too scared to face the future of our lost past. What if’s and What could have been’s haunt me during my days and nights. I dream of screams in the dark and laughter basked in light and dread either. We invited the Arkham Knight into our home and we don’t know which parts of him are still the Jason we used to know.

“No, you don’t.” Tim squeezes into the door frame alongside me. He forces me to look at him as he presses the water bottle against my chest. “You can’t change the inevitable. You try and try, until the frustration of your failure nearly breaks you. And then you lash out. At yourself, but at all of us as well.” He turns slightly, stares into the library at the silhouette basked in light. Jason has moved yet again, switched sides on the chair. The lamp is right behind him, a halo shining around his head. I can’t tell if he’s looking at us.

I sigh. “Yeah-”

“No,” Tim interrupts me, “don’t, Dick, don’t say anything. He-” he stops, sighs, closes his eyes for a moment to steady his trembling voice. “He needs to stay. Don’t… don’t chase him away with misplaced guilt.” He shoves the bottle against my chest once more, to make his point clear, then he turns around and walks down the corridor again. I watch him leave, disappear into the shadows.

 

***

 

_Before you tell yourself_

_It's just a different scene_

_Remember it's just different from what you've seen_

 

_I'm looking at you through the glass_

_Don't know how much time has passed_

_And all I know is that it feels like forever_

_And no one ever tells you that forever feels like home_

_Sitting all alone inside your head_

 

***

 

I stare into the darkness until his steps have faded as well. My fists tremble at my sides. I know he’s right, I do. And I can’t stay here or his words will turn into a prophecy. I don’t know the man sitting across from me, but I knew the boy he once was. He was stubborn, prideful, sensitive, easily hurt by words and actions alike. If even a little part of my little brother is left in this man, it’s this. I’ll push too hard and he’ll flee.

I can’t help it, I cast a last look back at him. As if waiting for my cue, he moves again. He turns around, facing the window across from him. The clouds seem to have disappeared. There are stars twinkling across the dark sky. The lights of the city are covered in fog, far enough to not compete against the delicate starlight. I watch his arm reach for the lamp, switches of the light. He leans back against the chair, his legs folded to the side, as he stares beyond the glass into the night. He must miss it the same way all of us do. He was Robin, the night was his playground, as it was mine, and still is Tim’s. We all share the same yearning and being forced to stay inside must pain him.

I touch the door frame at my back, whisper my goodbye into the silence and turn to leave.

“Stay…” a whisper answers me. His voice has become so dark, so rough. “I don’t mind.”

My body is rigid for a moment, before I turn back. It’s still too dark to see, the light of the stars doesn’t reach his face. The book is still in his lap, his hands folded on the closed cover. The light casts white streaks into his hair. And I remember how we sat in front of this window for hours, books piled around us, as he read his favorites to me.

Carefully I take the first steps inside the room and walk up to the chair that’s right beside the door. I don’t dare step any closer to him, I don’t want to overstay my welcome.

 

***

 

_'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass_

_Don't know how much time has passed_

_All I know is that it feels like forever_

_And no one ever tells you that forever feels like home_

_Sitting all alone inside your head_

 

_And it's the stars_

_The stars_

_That shine for you_

_And it's the stars_

_The stars_

_That lie to you, yeah-ah_

 

***

 

I still remember, how we used to curl up together on the lounge chair in front of the vast window, engulfed in darkness, completely silent, watching the moon and stars wander across the sky. I could hear him breath, feel his heartbeat vibrate beneath my fingertips. The stars are still the same. But we have changed.

The mahogany floor is stretched so unbelievably far between us. Maybe, this is as close as I’ll ever get again. And that thought terrifies me.

**Author's Note:**

> picture credit: www.pexels.com
> 
> Song: Stone Sour - Through the Glass


End file.
